Tell me this.

If you were at the home of an elderly relative, and there was a power cut, and at that very same moment, the elderly relative keeled over and died of a heart attack, wouldn't a small part of you always wonder if they might have been a robot?

In a debate yesterday in Florida, Mitt Romney accused John McCain of thoroughly deplorable views such a reducing the extent to which rich people get to use microphones more often, reducing the extent to which poor but hard-working foreigners are kicked in the face, and reducing the extent to which people who burn stuff now are allowed to pay only a fraction of its cost.

Tomorrow, Romney will accuse McCain of being nice to small children, having good manners and knowing how to make a truly exceptional meringue.

Conservatives hate meringue. No-one works hard for it, sounds French, and causes homosexuality.

I was 24 last week, and had a lovely birthday. My enjoyment of the day was greatly ensured by the huge number of new CDs I received. I think the haul managed to mop all all my outstanding "must-haves" from the past year or so. Plus, I forgave Zavvi a couple of weeks ago when they had a sale of some classic death metal and grind I should have bought years ago.

Anyway, I have designed a listening calender so as to ensure I fully absorb them all - sometimes, when I have a large amount of new music to listen to, a few won't quite make it, and I end up forgetting about them. Not this time:

Last week - Wolves in the Throne Room "Two Hunters", Primordial "The Gathering Wilderness", Enslaved "Ruun", Anaal Nathrakh "Hell is Empty and the Devils Are All Here".

This week - Mayhem "Ordo Ad Chao", Blut Aus Nord "Odinist", Decapitated "Winds of Creation", Morbid Angel "Altars of Madness".

Next week - Napalm Death "Scum", Decapitated "The Negation", Dillinger Escape Plan "Ire Works", Suffocation "Effigy of the Forgotten".

Final Week - Napalm Death "From Enslavement to Obliteration", Blut Aus Nord "Memoria Vetusta I - Fathers of the Icy Age", Primordial "Storm Before the Calm".

I will now take questions.

Despite walking in the rain for half an hour having been out at work all day, the sound of a sprinkler automatically turning on made me laugh.

On my own.

In the rain.

Looking deranged.

Children ran.

Today I went around the "Metal" section in Zavvi, and removed everything that, while placed there deliberately by a shop assistant, was actually in the wrong place. They were left with about five CDs.

I think it's a mark of my elitism that I can no longer shop there, not out of any particular grudge, but because they actually sell nothing I actually want to buy. I have gone up to eleven.

I really want to own a music shop. If anyone is also really interested in owning a music shop, get in touch. I would sell CDs by Sigh. I know - no-one ever clicks my music recommendations. But please click this one, and listen to "Death before Dishonor" or "Messiahplan". They are seriously the most fun I've had from music in weeks.

I think I should start to worry that I am becoming dangerously obsessed with Sarah Silverman to the extent that I have been through all the videos of her on YouTube and am now thinking of buying the 2006 Secret Policeman's Ball because it turns out her set didn't make the final TV edit. Which is insane because that show was pretty bad (despite a perception changing set by Russell Brand)

Seriously, I've not been this obsessed with hunting for material by a comic since I first heard Bill Hicks.

Something I learned about myself today - I am much more comfortable supporting the music of convicted murderers than I am supporting the music of a band who supports the ALF.

And the same to you.

A couple of weeks ago, I received a text from my brother, who was about to go on holiday. He said "Have a great Christmas period" at the end, which I thought was nice for a while, until I started to worry that he meant I should have a nice Christmas, but then that was it.

Having given it some thought, I have come to the conclusion that Ricky Gervais' Extras Christmas special is by far the best thing he and Merchant have ever done - it was biting and cynical, without being preachy, and more importantly, the finish was much more heartwarming and emotionally gripping than he managed with the Office finale.