Told some jokes tonight, and by no means got a bad reaction. For those that missed it, here were some of the highlights:

I woke up with the alarm this morning. I don't have a regular bed-side alarm, but I do have a regular and persistent burglar. He comes along, every morning, at 7am. The alarm sends him away, I turn it off and fall back to sleep, and he comes back nine minutes later, so that works out well.

There was a large box waiting for me downstairs. I opened it up, and inside there was a small box, which I tore open and found a parcel, which I ripped apart, and found an envelope, which I opened and pulled out a letter that read: Dear Mr Holmes, your subscription to this time-wasting service is drawing to an end. If you would like to renew your subscription, please fill out the enclosed form using letters cut out from a 1989 copy of the Financial Times.

I packed my Russian doll collection up, in reverse order to save on space.

The headline on one of the pages was one of those about the moral decline of the country. It said "Morning after pill at 12". I thought to myself: technically, that's the afternoon.

I used to get picked on at school for of my height, because I didn't have one. To make me feel even worse, I had two older brother who were both very tall. Very tall indeed. They were both slightly taller than each other.

And this.

I guess you had to have been there. Which you weren't. So thanks.