Hey,

So I'm supposed to be up in 7 hours and three minutes time to get ready for work.  That is such a staggeringly short amount of sleeping time that my staying up and blogging can only make matters better.  I would like someone to justify this for me.  A complete answer must include two illustrations, one of which must be luminous, and must make excessive use of the word "rabid".

Just had a scan over BBC News.  I love headlines that are one word, and then a quote that takes a tentative story and makes it sound like a revelation.  For example: Smokers 'will die 10 years early'. I mean, thats almost an instruction.  There would probably be some sliding scale based on your level of smoking.  Non-smokers obviously get the full ten years, plus a lot more sex, the best jobs, and no big gapping hole in the throat.  Social smokers are given maybe seven or eight years.  Those who smoked at a young age but gave up later are given a chance at the full ten.  Everyone is started walking towards the edge of a cliff.  Along the way, famous film stars are shown in various stages of plummeting towards some jagged rocks.  The full ten years are given to those who decide that, in fact, there might be an alternative route.  Finally those that smoke and insist that it is their right to do so will be a brief demonstration that it is my right to cover them in meat juice and release a pack of starving hyenas.  Hey, who am I to argue with the EU constitution?  

But, you see, I can play the headline game too.  How about:

Dogs 'are not as clever as ducks, but are less flammable'
Jews 'were right all along'
Parsnips 'help you see in the dark, but only in monochrome'
Ducks 'did not willingly participate in this experiment'
Milton Keynes 'does not really exist'
Tuesday 'now a class B drug'

I was amused today to find out that a charachter of the Simpsons is coming out.  Of course, it'll probably end up being someone no-one really cares about, like when they said they were killing off a charachter.  I mean, come on, Maud?  I actually cheered when she got hit by a T-shirt.  Anyway, Mr. Burns is too obvious, and its not going to be a Simpson.  Flanders is pretty girly, but I don't think so, what with him being a Christian and all.   I'm going for Principal Skinner, just because its stupid and will probably lead to an hundred thousand silly jokes.

Current time: 1:01am.  So now you have some idea how long it takes my brain to figure stuff out, especially when I have absolutely nothing to say.  John is talking at me also.  It is infinite times more entertaining than writing, because I have writer's elbow. I don't get it.  The expression "screwed in the head" gives me minutes of amusement, and all in all, its much better being surreal when you've got someone to do it back to you.

Speak soon,

Craig