Hey all,

Lots of things keep popping into my head, so hopefully some of them will make the short journey to this page.

First up, the weekend just gone. Cath's Gramps was 85 and we had a BBQ. A Harding BBQ implies two things. Thing the first: lots of meat. Oh, I love the meat. *chuckles*. Thing the second: beer. I was fairly drunk, but others were much worse. I met one of their family friends called Graham who, as well as seeming remarkably cheerful despite currently undergoing chemotherapy, kept reminding me that being an economist is not a positive career, and that accountancy is. This led to me asking for the general consensus on accountants from Cath's dad ("worse than awful"), which made no difference. I then explained how, because of his considerate advice, I would take being a plumber as a backup. This is a positive career, thankfully.

Catherine tells me that a general consensus can not come from just one man.

Lots of other silly things happened, such as dancing in the study and speeches and me finding Cath's sisters toast to the sun, the sea and the sand so funny I couldn't speak. Graham also told me to get more girlfriends - a perk of the accountancy lifestyle - which did not please Cath. She was not a pleased Cath. Pleased and Cath did not go hand in hand. To compensate, Graham advised Cath got more boyfriends. Cath did not return to her usual, pleased self.

Sunday we went to the Big Weekend, which is a huge fun fair with rides from all over the place. Some were insane and some were suicidal. Some were even death defying. Thankfully, we defied Death on this day.

Right, so I'm back at work today, and there is a bunch of people standing around with a film crew, who are dressed up in various costumes that all looked a bit silly. I am promptly informed they are regional managers here to film a health and safety video. It is entitled I'm a Regional Get Me Out Of Here. I can't make this shit up. I'm also informed that we should work quietly because of the filming. There's one guy with a fake six pack stomach that is Petre Andre (North Division), a rather desperate Jordan (London and Home Counties), Johnny Rotten (Midlands), and some guy doing a Geordie Ant and/or Dec that sounded distinctly Cornwallian. Quite how this, the most mastabatory of all executive decision making will help anyone get to grips with the oh-so-complicated Health and Safety regulations - don't fall from heights, don't get stuck in a fire, don't iron clothes on your person - is beyond me. Either people will be amused by the tape, and completely miss the meaning, or, more probably, we will be so insulted by the sheer stupidity of the venture that ignoring it completely will be the only real option. The bit that made my laugh was hearing one Regional saying to another Regional of the national manager"he doesn't think its funny one reason, and I'll tell you why. He doesn't watch the show". I'll leave you with that.

I mean, what's wrong with a sheet of paper that lists the basics of health and safety - always sign in, don't stick pins in uncomfortable places, don't return to the underwear once they have been lit - that is read, noted, forgotten, and replaced with the basic common sense that each one of us is born with. This is not America, people, because we're just not that curious and so staggeringly stupid as to be interested in the (predominatly financial) consequences of leaving a big oily puddle right next to where the elderly lady carries in the delivery.

I am amused greatly by Coupling this evening. I may possibly have enjoyed Oliver for the first time. Patrick still gets the best lines: "I can explain everything...I was going to tell you the truth, but instead I decided to lie". The toilet paper joke was brilliantly set up and paid off and shows why Coupling is still the best-written comedy we have.

And on one final note of comedy, I was watching University Challenge, and this question came up: " 'It's a medium because it neither rare nor well done'. Of what was comedian Ernie Kovacs referring?" Bzzzzzzz! "Paelentology Association?" "Steak?"

Not a classic one-liner, is it really?

Oh, quick competetion for the first one to reply (in a comment page) with the right answer. The prize is self gratification.

Speak soon,

Craig