Hey,

Signing out for the weekend...

----------------------------

Porter: Tickets, please.

Me: Excuse me?

Porter: Sorry, I thought I was someone else.

Me: Oh well, I'm sure you're not. I'd like to go home.

Porter: Well, you just need to fill out this form for me.

Me: OK, name. I'm sorry, I don't know your name.

Porter: No, I mean fill out that form with your details for me.

Me: Is that allowed?

Porter: I'd rather you did it quietly. Looks like its going to be a nice weekend for it.

Me: It's going to rain.

Porter: True. Well, I suppose it depends what you want to do. I don't recommend sunbathing.

Me: Well, what do you recommend?

Porter: I hear the coq au vin is very nice.

Me: Don't talk to me about food. I'll have to get something from the buffet cart.

Porter: That's a lot to take with you for one weekend. Do you want a hand with that down the steps?

Me: No, the buffet cart is on the train.

Porter: Ah, you're going on the train, are you? Virgin?

Me: I am, but I don't see as I need to write that down. Oh no, wait, there is a box for it. Now, why do you need my star sign?

Porter: I'm an ornithologist.

Me: Don't they study birds?

Porter: Probably. I'm not a very good one.

Me: All done.

Porter: Well that's fine. Now, if I can just see your letters of recommendation.

Me: Recommendation?

Porter: Yes, to let us know you have a valid reason for this unusual request.

Me: I've got this one...

Porter: No, I'm afraid he's a wanted war criminal...

Me: This one from the prime minister?

Porter: Same reason, I'm afraid. Look, I'll forget about it if you get me a date.

Me: I've got this fig?

Porter: That will do. Now, if you'll just sign.

Me: Why?

Porter: I'm deaf, you see.

Me: I don't, actually. I'm blind. Actually, where am I?

Porter: St. Anne's College.

Me: Oh, in that case can I have a room?

Porter: Certainly, I think someone has just signed out, so you can have that one.

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Craig