Hey,

It's hard being a man. Actually, being a man is easy, its being a bloke that the problem, and causes me much discomfort.

Take for instance the words, "do you want a normal vindaloo, and or extra hot one like she is having it". Like she is having it? Are you kidding me? Bring it on baby! And, yes it is fine and tasty and though I don't neccessarily "win" at "Curry", I did come runner-up and thats just as good maybe better. Tragically, Time, in its wisdom decided there would be a morning. And in this morning there was a rumbling, to which I thought "odd, that low-flying aircraft sounds like its coming from my stomach". You can, of course, insert your own graphic and quite appalling mental image. Needless to say, I have remained standing a lot, today.

Then there is the problem of giving up. A bloke can't just give up when other blokes are still going. This applies to sport, as in, "so, does everyone want to carry on?" to which we all reply, through gritted teeth, "sure, I'm not tired at all". It happens on a bus or the Tube when two of your are standing and one seat becomes available. And a girl will go "there's a seat there, why doesn't one of you sit down". Oh, my girl, why do you not understand? I would look at the other guy and he would look back at me, both shifting uncomfortably: "I'm fine standing", I'll say, hopefully first to score an early lead. "I'm OK, too", says the other guy, casually. "I prefer to stand", he says, "it's good for my sinuses". Oh, you crafty bastard, the old sinus ploy. "Well, I'm enjoying the extra two foot of vision I get from standing", I say, staring out into the dark. "That seat looks a bit unstable for someone of my weight, but you should be fine", he counters, a veteran manouver. "I'm seem to be stuck to the pole I was leaning against", I try, doing the stuck to the pole mime.

Of course, by this point the girl has gotten off and there are now two seats free. We both sit down, mentally calling it a stalemate, as the bus pulls away from my stop.

Oh yeah, sure, childbirth is a pain. And then there's that whole menstrual cycle thing that gets a lot of bad press. But these thing are nothing compared to the enormous, complex and ultimately fatal problems of being a bloke.

Speak soon,

Craig